Method to the Madness

If I should disappear in the coming week, this particular post is to blame. This entry will begin to expose the game. If you fall for it after reading this, that’s on you. I came into ministry almost 15 years ago wide-eyed, bushy-tailed, and wearing rose-tinted lenses. Well, I ain’t the same girl no more.

The congregation to which I belonged was led by a minister members and non-members alike referred to flippantly as a pimp. He had an effusive personality, dressed sharply, and had a slick manner about him. Little did I know that Rev. really was a pimp. He was also known to line up women for any preacher new to town, just looking for something new on the side, or who just plain couldn’t get laid. A little-known secret to the lay person is that ecstatic energy resulting from the preaching moment is very similar to sexual arousal. It is not uncommon for pastors to line up some for the visiting revivalist to get him through the week.

Let’s get back to my story. So Rev. sees this 20-something young woman who happens to also be reasonably attractive and pulled together, now under his charge. She represented new blood for the kingdom, but to Rev. she was an addition to his stable.

So what’s the first thing a good pimp must do to a new addition to his stable? He must control her mind. He must play on her vulnerabilities. And ultimately, he must get paid. I didn’t learn that in church; I learned that reading Iceberg Slim. Whatever the case, I knew the game, but did not know it was being played like that in the church. The word of God says Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2). The church is beating the world at its own game and God is not happy.

Things came to a head when I was applying to seminary. I knew I could not be focused at home in Washington, DC because I knew where trouble was and trouble knew me well. Rev. ordered me to remain local so he could keep an eye on me. I responded that I felt the Lord leading me away from home and invited him to be in prayer with me on the issue. To my surprise, he flat-out refused. I had to return to the word which orders believers do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. I John 4:1. Listening to his sermons with my spiritual ear from that point forward left a lot to be desired so I began seeking spiritual direction and sustenance elsewhere.

The following three years became an intense battle of the wills. The man who wanted to be my spiritual father could not handle that I, unlike many women around him, did not have the daddy issues that are common in the black community. My father has always been an active and present part of my life and not even he could control my mind. To add insult to injury, I also defied the opportunities Rev. presented to hook up with men. That called his pimping credentials into question. He threatened that people would say that I was a lesbian if I didn’t make myself available sexually. Well, there was far too much evidence out there already to the contrary. However, at that point, I had committed to celibacy and the panties were off limits.

My anger did not intensify over my battle with Rev. I became enraged as I learned how common my plight was, how many sisters actually did sleep for their papers, and how the church turned a blind eye to it. After quitting my job, moving to Atlanta to attend the Candler School of Theology at Emory University, and devoting my head and heart to pursuing the high calling, I could not get a gig as a substitute Sunday School teacher because Rev. blackballed me. No one in the denomination would go up against him because he had too much power. My letters to his denominational superiors went unanswered because “he packs them in and brings in too much money.” It was not about right or wrong. The church’s passivity became a matter of protecting their own self-interests. I was told: “If this becomes well-known, people will get turned off.” “If I support you, my ministry would suffer.” “Oh no, I’d never preach again.” They left me and my ministry for dead.

It continues to astound me that people who are well-acquainted with my personal plight or the plight of those who have experienced the persistent hypocrisy of the church have the gall to criticize us for being angry. Jesus said: Is it not written: 'My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations'? But you have made it a den of thieves. (Mark 11:17). Jesus was not particularly happy when he said this about the defilement of the temple. A preacher friend once said “if Jesus ever cussed one time, this was the day.” I beg to differ. I think he cussed. A lot.

By the Power Vested in Me

There are three things I find particularly offensive when weak: a man, a cocktail, and a believer. We all have weaknesses, but habitual excuse-making while claiming the power of the Holy Spirit makes me want to holler like Marvin Gaye. From the failure to discern blatant offenses to the fear of responding when things are amiss and the refusal to love universally, believers have collectively developed a crippling lethargy that allows outsiders to look inside the church with revulsion. They say “he’s just a man” or “we all make mistakes.” Yes, all human beings are fallible. However, reducing our moral standards to the lowest common denominator blasphemes the Holy Spirit. [We] can do all things through Christ who strengthens [us]. (Philippians 4:13)

Prior to his ascension, Jesus promised we would receive power when the Holy Spirit hit us. The same spirit was prophesied by Joel to fall on not just preachers, but all flesh. With that power comes authority.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds. These things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you (Titus 2:11-15).

If I had a dollar for every time someone said “who in the hell does she think she is” I could pay off my student loans. I’ve never been good at playing the shrinking violet. Most of what passes for God’s will doesn’t require a keen sense of discernment to detect. However, taking the risk of addressing sin is precisely what the gospel requires. Many people have little problem giving expression to the movement of the Spirit during worship. Let that same movement reveal something wrong and they show themselves to be spiritual weaklings. “I’ll go pray on it” they say reflexively. In other words, they are going to stick their head in the proverbial sand. Times like that is when the devil does his happy dance. God is calling you to get off your rump for God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).

Cowardice in the kingdom is about as worthless as a watered-down drink. God apparently agrees with me. Jesus did not turn the wine into water did he? One of my favorite biblical phrases is when God tells Job repeatedly to gird yourself up like a man as Job wavers in faith. Believers need to man-up to conquer everything that is an impediment to the redemptive works of God in themselves, their communities, and the world. That’s the essence of faith. Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead (James 2:17). By the power vested in me, I implore you to rise, repent, and move mountains.

Good Preacher Gone Bad

I have been in church all my life and have not heard the account of the Bad Shepherd preached from a pulpit a single time. That includes numerous Sunday services, conferences, ordination rites, pastoral installations, and yes, even seminary. We know lots about the Good Shepherd and that "The Lord is my Shepherd." However, we would be hard-pressed to find cautionary examples of who not to follow. Some scripture is bad for business. What is a bad shepherd? Thus says the Lord:

Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. (Ezekiel 34:2b-3).

If a pastor is fleecing his flock, there should be no expectation that he has the character to perform the loving works that good shepherding requires. I don’t care how many turkeys they donate at Thanksgiving, their standard of living should not be far beyond the average member of the congregation if doing so comes at the congregation’s expense. People with no more than a bus pass should not be buying Bentleys for others. Jesus rode a donkey.

The problem with Eddie Long did not begin with the recent allegations of sexual misconduct. The problem is that he fits God’s description of a bad shepherd perfectly. If your spiritual leader will not allow you to avail yourself of the benefits of charity, discipleship, and fellowship, without first seeing your W-2, he doesn’t love you any more than a pimp loves a whore. A pastor should not use the contributions to the church as his means to moving up the socio-economic ladder beyond what the free-market would bear. To make matters worse, they take it personally when members do not give enough to sustain shameless spending.

Eddie Long’s other big problem is his perversion of the gospel. Any student of scripture can see the otherworldliness of Jesus’ kingdom. Jesus said it himself in John 18:36: my kingdom is not of this world. That proclamation is consistent with everything else in the bible that points away from our carnal desires for God’s fulfillment of His promises in our lives. Jesus did not come to create an investment club whereby tithes and offerings provide returns to elevate one’s economic standing. The abundant life Jesus promised is about transcendent power beyond the things of this world.

The character failing that allows one to perverse the gospel makes room for all manner of malfeasance. The nature of them is just details. A minister might be into misappropriating funds, womanizing, mind-control, or you name it. We are warned in 2 Timothy 3:1-7:

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

Look around you. We all have access to the truth through God’s word, spiritual discernment, and our natural senses. Never have I encountered a scandal like this without threadbare red flags all over the wreckage. Well-known secrets abound in communities of faith everywhere. The price we pay for acknowledging them is the path to the cross. What is done in the dark will always come to light. The church will alienate you and scandalize your name, but the truth shall make you free to be led by one who will lead you to the path of righteousness for His namesake.

"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

If the allegations are true, the quality of Eddie Long’s ministry becomes even more devalued. Jesus issued seven woes to religious leaders at the end of his earthly ministry in the 23^rd chapter of Matthew. Reading them in light of the allegations and things Eddie Long has said on record is chilling. Basically, Jesus condemns those having good religious form, but not practicing what they preach. Eddie Long went to great lengths to promote an anti-gay agenda during the 2004 and 2006 election cycles. His credibility is on the line. No amount of legal wrangling can reconcile his alleged homosexuality with his Pharisaic rhetoric. If he meets the moral standard that he has established for everyone else, then he should be proclaiming such from the rooftops. His ambiguous non-statements are sounding suspect.

Again, particular situations are just details. Believers must seek God’s truth for themselves. Ignoring scripture not brought to one’s attention by one’s spiritual leader is inexcusable. Institutions are in the business of preserving themselves—for better and for worse. When businesses face challenges, they enlist consultants, publicists, and lawyers to overcome them. The institutional church—as a business no less—follows the same pattern in cases such as the current scandal surrounding Eddie Long. However, we are called to be more than that. Now is the time for the church not only to demand the truth, but also ridding itself of every well-known secret. God will not be mocked.

Genesis of the Madness

This blog was born out of my religious practice in the institutional church. It was either give expression to my experience or go crazy. I was actually half-way there when I realized that I would only meet the church at the end of the road. So here I am.

As Kierkegaard said “the relief provided by speaking is that it translates me into the universal.” I know that I am not alone in feeling this way. God already knows this setup does not make sense to the human mind. We only oppress ourselves with the delusion that faith is not only rational, but is always a pleasure. Glorify God with a hallelujah anyhow!

I was raised in the church. Actually, I was sent there every Sunday by parents who needed some alone time. Trust me, my siblings and I attended Sunday school 52 weeks out of the year. Hey, it beat paying a sitter. Other parents eventually caught on. In no time, all of the neighborhood children began to find their way to church at nine every Sunday morning. It was not a bad hustle while it lasted.

As the weeks went by, I realized that we did not fit in. The children who were not of our set behaved differently. They came in, sang hymns robotically, and sat unnervingly blank as the teachers read recycled lessons from little booklets with pictures of white people they said were from places where the native inhabitants were of color. They were like little Stepford children whose parents were less concerned about their soul salvation than social control. “Teach them to be well-behaved, drug-free, and sexually abstinent however you can” was their mantra. “If they get too deep into Jesus my cover might be blown.” We didn’t have that kind of pressure on us. Our parents were content to have the house to themselves for a couple of hours a week.

Much to our Sunday school teachers’ chagrin, we brought the fun. The lessons began with biblical passages followed by the stale narratives that did not connect with our reality and what we should glean from them. We were the first generation of the post-Civil Rights era growing up in Chocolate City no less. Social justice, not social climbing is at the core of the gospel. “Prepare us for the revolution!” we begged. Little did we know, we not supposed to engage them; we were supposed to swallow the lessons whole. “Forget about loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind” they insinuated. “Drink the Kool-Aid.”

Well, being from the ‘hood breeds a healthy sense of skepticism. “I hear you talking, but is that really in the Bible?” “Is that what God is really saying here?” “Do you adhere to these teachings yourself or are they just for the masses?” They weren’t ready for us.

Well several churches, a seminary degree, and thousands of dollars worth of therapy have led me to more insightful, erudite, and expensive versions of these questions. This project began as I approached total insanity trying to align what I experienced in the church with the messages of scripture and God's revelation to me personally. I stopped as I saw the church well ahead of me. Then I embraced the cross and the burden of an institution to mitigate my faith rolled away.

Remaining in the faith does require a degree of insanity for basing the pattern of one’s entire life on a man rising from the grave 2000 years ago. There's no way around that. However, God doesn’t want believers to abandon all reason. God commands us to be as shrewd as serpents, but innocent as doves. Resurrection faith opens a whole new realm of thought that makes the impossible possible. Only the foolishness of the cross empowers the mind; man-made foolery—the likes of which never cease to amaze—insults the intelligence and ultimately leads to destruction.

One of the greatest miracles in my life is that I still believe. On top of that, I have committed my life to the professional service of the gospel. Why bother after witnessing all manner of malfeasance, insincerity, and corruption in the church? What kind of God would allow tragedy to favor befall the just and unjust in seemingly random patterns? I’ve lived my life the way God led; where are my earthly spoils? After those things let me down, He restored me.

It’s a good thing that my hope is not built in any person or earthly thing. It would fail every time. However, I am crazy enough to believe there is so much more to God than any single human, object, or concept can capture. When those things fail, He meets me. Faith is a huge risk because there is always a chance that one is wrong. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. He came that we might have life and life abundantly. The reward is not all material; it is a better quality of life that defies explanation. Put a little madness in your life, but take it with a grain of salt.